tender mercies

You know it's not been the best day when you start crying while you're grocery shopping. Thank you, Yesterday. I'd had a bit of a rough day, even though nothing that bad had happened. It was more a cumulation of a few different things that all occurred on the same day.

Fast forward 60 minutes later of what was the tipping point to me at Smith's. As I was reaching for a gallon of skim milk and listening to what my Mom had to say to me on the phone, the tears started coming and I couldn't help it. I've never cried in a grocery store before... it added a new level of embarrassment I wasn't too comfortable with. It's not that my mom said anything wrong, it's that she was saying the right things- the things I needed to hear. Moms are like that. At least mine is.

Fast forward 5 minutes later to me at the checkout stand. Very pregnant mother trying to hold her screaming, inconsolable toddler. She looked at me with one of those "I wish I were you right now" looks. I gave her the same look.

Fast forward 10 minutes later to me in my apartment. This time I let the tears flow freely. Nothing's embarrassing when you're alone... the alone part is comfortable. I started talking out loud to my Heavenly Father. I do that a lot more now than I ever used to. I told Him why I was having a bad day and why I didn't think it I deserved it.

Fast forward 2 minutes later to me sitting on my bed. Tears dried up. Now feeling ashamed for what I had been thinking, feeling and saying. I talked out loud again, this time saying how grateful I am for my life and what I have. How grateful I am for my experiences. How grateful I am for the lessons I've learned and that I'm still learning. How grateful I am for being so blessed.

Fast forward 1260 minutes later to me singing the closing hymn in sacrament meeting. Different tears this time accompanied by a feeling of peace as we sang these words: "Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake to guide the future as he has the past. Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake; All now mysterious shall be bright at last."

"And [they] did humble themselves before the Lord, and did shed tears of joy before the Lord, because of the multitude of his tender mercies over them" (Ether 6:12).

the saga & the heat

I apologize. But I loved it. Yes, I've read all 4 books. Yes, I think they're terrible. No, I've not been impressed with the other movies. It's an anomaly.

Image found here.

Welcome to Miami. I love this boy. I now love his team.

Image found here.

happy 4th

email from friday the 2nd, noonish:

jenny: what are you doing for the fourth anyway?

me: no plans

jenny: wanna go to cali?

me: done

My friend Jenny and I took a little roady this Independence Day weekend. It was impromptu and delightful. Highlights include: waking up before 6 am on a Saturday, being at the beach less than 12 hours later, meeting and staying with Jenny's adorable family in Newport Beach, going to Balboa Island and eating hippo cookies, the 3 cuties we saw while waiting for takeout Gina's Pizza, seeing my best friend Amanda and her family at the Cressman/Edgeworth BBQ, playing with 4 darling children all weekend, watching fireworks at the lake, and hearing Jenny's two-and-a half year old niece say to me when I arrived at the lake, "I knew you would come!" and her then proceeding to get off of Aunt Jen's lap to sit on mine.

The beach was freezing.

I love being able to see this girl.

Happy 4th of July!

my thoughts on medicine

I know it's random... read till the end.

I'm not one who believes in homeopathic remedies, Chinese medicine, herbs, crystals, organic food, or the like. It's completely fine if you do, but I am a modern medicine seeking girl. I'm not saying I overdo it, but if I'm sick (which I rarely am), I prefer to take my chances with someone who went to school for approximately 5000 years. I was a Biology major at BYU and held my own with all of those pre-medical, pre-dental, pre-physical-therapy, pre-chiropractic, pre-smarty-smart-pants. Point: it was brutal and it was only an undergraduate degree and I have some credentials (barely) to back up my opinion about choosing doctors over non-doctors. Try to persuade me all you want, but there is a great level of comfort for me in seeing multiple degrees behind the person into whose hands I'm putting my life. I am stubborn.

Fact and perhaps contradiction to aforementioned facts: I love massage therapists and reflexologists and fully support their line of work. I had the most relaxing hour and a half massage tonight. I highly recommend it to anyone interested and will be happy to pass on the information of said therapist.

Massages are one of the greatest pleasures on earth.

the most

The most tired.

The most freezing.

The most drenched.

The most perspiration.

The most tattered.

The most beautiful.

The most sacred.

The most joy.

The absolute greatest thing I have ever had the privilege of doing.

summer

Sleeping in. Lunch with my sister and her boyfriend. Laying out at the pool with my bestie. Jack Johnson. Reading. Strawberries and cream. Beautiful night outside at the rodeo with friends. Homemade bread with homemade jam. Seeing the stars while driving late at night. I adore summer.

orchid plant

Bought this little thing yesterday. Don't really know how to take care of it.

the car salesman

Today I took a drive to go look at some cars. While I love car shows (and wish I had been attending one), I went to go test drive some used cars. I first saw this guy my aunt recommended and then later went over to a dealership. It was at the dealership where I met the car salesman. We got in a car for a little test drive and after 3 minutes of knowing one another, he started telling me all about his life (it was non-creepy): his past addictions, how he's thinking of going back to school to study social work with the goal of running interventions, how he had an intervention of his own a few months prior, missions, his feelings on the Atonement and the Savior, his desire as of late to spend more time with his 4 children and subsequent desire to not be a workaholic and make lots of money, and so forth. The car salesman also asked me when my birthday was and then proceeded to tell me all about myself based on my zodiac sign (aries). Some of my favorite comments included, "You're most likely very opinionated," and "You're really stubborn, aren't you?" and "When you're mad, you are in a rage." (I tried to redeem my honor by telling him some of my more favorable traits.) After we drove a few cars around, I was happy to shake his hand and be on my way. I thought about him and the situation for a good majority of my drive home. I think that sometimes people just really have a lot on their mind and need someone to listen to them. There are few greater compliments than that of someone feeling like they can trust you within minutes of meeting you.

to live greatly...

I love subscribing to the Ensign magazine. There's always something each month that helps me in some way. In this month's issue there is a great article by President Thomas S. Monson called "Canaries with Gray on Their Wings." One of the things he says in it has really stuck with me, and it's the quote that I'm focusing on this month:

"To live greatly, we must develop the capacity to face trouble with courage, disappointment with cheerfulness, and triumph with humility."

What a poignant, inspirational message. I have seen so many great examples in my life of people who practice this. One of my brothers, Ryan, is a missionary right now in the Denver, Colorado South mission. He teaches people constantly about the blessings that can come into their lives as they listen to and obey what the Lord has to tell them. Often, people choose not to follow what you teach them and it breaks your heart: you know how much joy they would find if only they would test what you're testifying of. It can be a tiring work, and some days you feel like you can't give any more, yet his letters are full of love and enthusiasm for the people he meets and the work he's doing. He preaches the gospel cheerfully and with courage because of his love for the Lord and his testimony of the restored gospel.

(Elder Johnson on the left.)

I am so blessed. I fear that too often I don't recognize all of the wonderful things that I've been given but instead wish for the things I think I'm lacking. A group of missionaries I taught once told me that when we look for the blessings we want, we won't find them; we need to learn to see what God has given us. As President Monson said, to live greatly we need to have courage and cheerfulness during times of trial, sorrow and heartache, and we need to recognize the Lord's hand in our lives and practice the virtue of humility when we succeed. Ultimately, I think that to live greatly is to strive to be an example of Christ by emulating Him in the times that it seems most difficult to do.

stardust

These days I'm obsessed with bruschetta (or as one of my besties calls it, brew-SKET-uh). She made it last week and it was delish... Dee. Lish. I went over to Megan's house (the apparent Italian-speaking bestie) last week and we made the delightful appetizer for dinner while we listened to a little Ella Fitzgerald. She then introduced me to a movie I'd never heard of: Stardust. My first thought was that this movie was made circa 1983, but then I find out it was released while I was in South America. I ended up liking the movie and there was one line that I've continued to think about these past few days: A very surprised Yvaine says to Tristan, "You came back!" to which he so lovingly and innocently responds, "Of course I did: I love you." Isn't that sweet? And isn't that real? I think so. I think it's lovely and honest. I loved that adorable response. And that's what I'm looking for.

My parents.

list making: a hobby

Yep, it's a big hobby of mine. Be it in my Moleskine planner, yellow work notepad, sticky notes on my MacBook or magnetic shopping list notepad, I love to make lists. Here are today's thoughts fashioned down to two lists...

Things That I Don't Particularly Love:
1. Making big and/or important decisions.
2. Change.
3. The fact that numbers one and two are the best of friends.
4. Not being able to see the immediate fam weekly (or even monthly).
5. Realizing that the majority of my closet friends have moved away, furthermore realizing how I need to make some new ones.
6. Never being able to accomplish all of my goals.
7. Not knowing where my life's headed.

Things That I'm Grateful For:
1. Making those big decisions and feeling peaceful about it.
2. The blessings that come from change.
3. Knowing that opportunity and growth also come in pairs.
4. Developing stronger relationships with the fam because of the distance.

5. Seeing my dearest friends happier than they've ever been.
6. Becoming a little bit better as I work towards my goals.
7. Talking openly every day to the one person who does know where my life's headed and who can guide me as I need it.

today's the day

This is my first post. Ever. I've never been a blogger. I've always looked at blogs. This, however, is the first time I've actually written one. My theory on blogs was that one day when I was married and had babies, I'd want to make one to share with the fam. Today I've changed everything. I've decided that I'm going to make a blog in spite of not being married with babies. This is going to be mostly therapeutic for me (let's be honest, I don't have the courage to actually tell anyone about this except for sissy slash bff Elle). One of my mottos as of late is "I'm a new woman with new goals." And one of those goals is to be positive... always. Therefore, I want to dedicate my writing to the little moments-- small yet precious-- of how I find happiness. Happiness is something that comes from within and it's something I want to master. So while I don't have the lovely family portraits to put up just yet, I do have my little miracles of each day to look for and to share with you (or rather, with me).