tender mercies

You know it's not been the best day when you start crying while you're grocery shopping. Thank you, Yesterday. I'd had a bit of a rough day, even though nothing that bad had happened. It was more a cumulation of a few different things that all occurred on the same day.

Fast forward 60 minutes later of what was the tipping point to me at Smith's. As I was reaching for a gallon of skim milk and listening to what my Mom had to say to me on the phone, the tears started coming and I couldn't help it. I've never cried in a grocery store before... it added a new level of embarrassment I wasn't too comfortable with. It's not that my mom said anything wrong, it's that she was saying the right things- the things I needed to hear. Moms are like that. At least mine is.

Fast forward 5 minutes later to me at the checkout stand. Very pregnant mother trying to hold her screaming, inconsolable toddler. She looked at me with one of those "I wish I were you right now" looks. I gave her the same look.

Fast forward 10 minutes later to me in my apartment. This time I let the tears flow freely. Nothing's embarrassing when you're alone... the alone part is comfortable. I started talking out loud to my Heavenly Father. I do that a lot more now than I ever used to. I told Him why I was having a bad day and why I didn't think it I deserved it.

Fast forward 2 minutes later to me sitting on my bed. Tears dried up. Now feeling ashamed for what I had been thinking, feeling and saying. I talked out loud again, this time saying how grateful I am for my life and what I have. How grateful I am for my experiences. How grateful I am for the lessons I've learned and that I'm still learning. How grateful I am for being so blessed.

Fast forward 1260 minutes later to me singing the closing hymn in sacrament meeting. Different tears this time accompanied by a feeling of peace as we sang these words: "Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake to guide the future as he has the past. Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake; All now mysterious shall be bright at last."

"And [they] did humble themselves before the Lord, and did shed tears of joy before the Lord, because of the multitude of his tender mercies over them" (Ether 6:12).